Things Are Out of Control

This is the fifth week of social distancing and working from home for my family.  Every day I experience a wide range of emotions, which range from gratefulness that my family is healthy and safe to hopelessness, because we have no clear idea when this will all end.  This was not a scheduled event with a beginning and end date.  This is an event that is holding us all in a TBD (to be determined) status.

We have all been mandated to attend an event none of us would have elected to attend, we were not given a choice.  Basically, we have been put into a position where we have no control, that is frustrating to adults and children.  So how do we ease some of the hopelessness and feelings of loss of control?

We give ourselves and our children choices.  When my oldest was in preschool she consistently attempted to choose a frilly dress to wear to preschool every day.  We lived in Hawaii and the dirt there is similar to red clay and stains everything it comes into contact with, so I did not want her wearing her frilly dresses to school to play in the dirt.  Every morning became a battle of what she was going to wear.  Then one day I divided her closet in two, installing a bar that she could easily reach.  On the top bar I hung all of her frilly dresses and on the bottom bar I hung all of the dresses and outfits that were acceptable to wear to school.  I then explained to her that she could choose anything she wanted from the bottom bar to wear to school.  This allowed her some control and the ability to make a choice, with boundaries I created.  It ended the morning arguments over what she was going to wear to school (until she went to high school…).

Take a look at the things you can give your child a choice over.  There are some things they cannot have a say in, such as resuming play dates, but what about letting them choose what they get to wear that day (it doesn’t matter what they pick, no one is going to see them), letting them choose what they have for lunch or what color pencil they get to use that day.  Find ways for them to exercise choices.  You could provide them with the things that they must do each day and let them order their day, they will be accomplishing all that they need to, but they get to choose when and in what order.

Allowing them some control over their lives at this time will help decrease the feeling of loss of control and hopelessness.  Shake things up for yourselves too, where can you choose to rearrange your daily schedule to allow you time to do something you enjoy?  Where can you provide yourself an opportunity to make a choice?

Take some control where you can, and it will help ease the feelings of loss of control and helpfulness.